Why do we turn our backs on God? Why can't we just do as he asks every single time? Because we have free will.

This is the greatest gift God could give us. If we didn't have it then we would be robots obeying God just because we were programed to. If things were like this there would be no point in the Bible, there would be no point for Christ on the cross. We would simply do God's will every time there was a decision in our life.. no.. there wouldn't even be decisions in our life.. There would only be God's way..

But we don't have a God who says, "Its my way and my way alone." Yes, there is only one way that will get you into Heaven and to be with God forever, but that is not the only option that you have. You can also choose to not be with God. You can choose eternal separation. That is your God-given right.. sometimes I can't quite grasp this. I think, "well, if i was God i think i would have had people love me no matter what.. " "I made them.. this is my right." THANK GOD, our Lord and Savior is not just that.

He loves us so much that he lets us choose.. and that's were you get sinners like me..

Don't get me wrong.. I love God and I try to always put him above all else.. but I fail alllll the live-long day.. and it makes me so frustrated..

I know things would be easier if God just did things for me.. but then there would be no rejoicing when I actually did obey God.. it would just be, "Duh, of course I obeyed God.. I didn't have a choice.. "

I wish I could go back and correct my mistakes.. but the truth, that I am so scared to believe, is that everything happens for a reason and I need to learn from my mistakes.. Yes, I could have done things different, but I didn't.. and if I am going to grow closer to God, then I need to ask for forgiveness, know and believe that God forgives me and LEARN.

I can't tell you how many times I have asked for forgiveness and then gone and done the same thing the next day. I need to change this part of my life.. if I ask for forgiveness and then turn around and do it again, and again.. I need to change. I am not going to magically do the right thing if I don't change.. I need to ask for God to help me, give me his strength to do the right thing.. and I need to constantly be alert. If I can't handle the situation.. don't put myself in the same one next time.. DUH! I have problems with that one a lot :)

Anyway.. I think I wrote this because I want to somehow proclaim this to all.. so that I would be able to be kept accountable.. only problem is I know not to many people read my little blog.. and I think thats why I did write it .. so that I wouldn't have to be kept accountable......Told you I was a sinner..